do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
