you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
