Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
