after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
