I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
