do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
