I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
