ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
