17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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