Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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