You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
