pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
