so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will be naked everywhere
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
