I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
