Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
