Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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