I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
