What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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