Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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