my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
