You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
