That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
