I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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