Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pants are for mortals
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
