Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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