my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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