I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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