so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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