Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
