Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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