things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
