I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
