On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
