There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
