i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
