happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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