He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
