I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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