mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
