You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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