I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
