We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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