just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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