Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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