I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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