HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
