2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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