could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He shit in the fireplace
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
