And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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