ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
