is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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