Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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